Hamster Hurricanes

original artwork entitled "IT'S BEDTIME ALREADY GEESH!"

I love my people, I really do, but tonight they stayed up until 10 p.m. giggling and sneaking out of bed to "blow on the hamster so it falls out of it's wheel".

 I remember sneaking out of my bed to party and eat bean burritos I had hidden under the couch (true story), so I let the hamster torture slide. Poor Hamstie, running through a hurricane. However, it got old around...8:30 p.m.

None the less, there they were at 9:45, messing with the hamster. I knew they were in there because small children cannot blow air out of their mouths without spitting. Suddenly, the "silence" was broken by Sheldon crying very, very loudly. Hamstie had bitten him. Tragedy.

"I forgot the wuwel (rule) and put my finger in da caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage!" he cried.

I kissed his little finger and told him he looked delicious and he smiled through tear filled eyes. I kissed his cheeks. I like to kiss away his tears, it's a high honor only a few will possess.  I scooped him up and carried his ridiculous, party animal self to his bed.

I walked the fine line of firm and friendly tonight. I tried the scary roar "GET IN BED ARGHH!" but it only worked for a few minutes, and frankly tonight felt like a hamster hurricane night. So I let it slide and prayed fervently they'll sleep in tomorrow.

Some nights you just have to turn a deaf ear to the spitting sounds in the play room. You know?


How To Survive A Day




When your day is long, remember the measuring cups in the window. If you're very lucky, they'll be in bright colors, stacked precariously on the tile.

When the dishes are piled and stuck with food, when your Significant Spouse rinses his cereal bowl on the wrong side of the sink, take a breath and smell basil before you scream. There are two sides to life: the Dirty Sink Side and the Pansies In The Window Side. Pick one. Wash your hands in honeysuckle soap and roll up your sleeves. Life is good, even with the messes.
When your boy insists on dumping dirt on his brothers, whatever. Crocs and children are washable. Try not to freak out when the baby puts his sandwich in the dust and then eats it again. Immunities aren't built in a day but picnics are priceless. 
As the day gets longer, find some paint. Hand your kid a paper plate and primary colors, grab some coffee and watch the magic happen. You can make it to bedtime with a drawer full of Tempera.

You can make it through any mess if you pick the right side. Find your measuring cups and follow the path all the way to whales at 3 p.m. When things are dark and flu-like there's always another side, and it's glorious.

.



Birthday Hamsters

The big boys are still asleep, bunked and tucked. The small boy is up, covered in peanut butter, watching Mickey Mouse with a dazed look in his eye. I'm clutching my coffee (story of my life).

In the night, I was awake. People kept calling, needing, coughing. I took people potty and collapse into bed, only to wake to the sound of the loose screen banging against my open window frame, keeping rhythm with the breeze as the rose bush tapped it with moonlit petals. It sounds poetic, but at the time I had just woken from a zombie apocalypse dream, so I was mildly concerned. Regarding zombie apocalypse dreams, "Ain't nobody got time for that". Especially when "nobody" also owns a new hamster in an old house. Even after figuring out the loose screen sound, the house still rattled. I made Derrick get up and "check" for bad guys IN OUR HOUSE (possibly zombies) and it only took him three rounds before he remembered said hamster, who was, at the time, running his little hamster brains out on his little hamster wheel. It was...not a silent wheel as advertised.

About an hour later, the baby woke up. So, here we are.

What's that you ask? Why do you have a hamster?

It's my fault really. I have a blog. Sometimes I post things on my blog's Facebook page. Things like this:

This morning the toddler woke up at 4 a.m. so at breakfast we were...not our best. Derrick said, "Okay, new rule. We're not going to complain anymore in this family." 
and I said, "If you guys can do that I'll give you a million dollars!"

Derrick gave me a look over his cereal bowl and Shel yelled, "NO! Not dollars! A hamster! A blue hamster with wings!"

Today we learned not to make rules at breakfast and that some people don't have a solid grasp on the idea of hamsters.


My evil friend reads my story and gets the idea that Shel should have a hamster for his birthday. So there you have it. Some people make a lot of money with their blogs, they get book deals and free...money (or something). I get hamsters.



I guess I don't mind. Shel has been checking on his pet often and lovingly. He can't get over the fact that it is HIS pet, for himself. Today I sliced a bit of apple for Hamstie, and Shel said, "Okay. I will give her some apple. Don't cut too much though. If you give her too much she will get sick, and then I will be SO SO mad at you. I don't want my pet to get sick!"

I made sure to cut the apple slice very hamster sized. It's a stinky gift from a stinky friend of mine, but Shel loves it and that makes all the rodent smell disappear.


Tape Monster Wishes On Tuesday


He went to a birthday party. He found tape that had bits of crepe paper on them. He put them on his face. He called himself the Tape Monster.

Just another day in the life.

I hope you're having a good Tuesday. I hope there's a breeze and a bit of sunshine on your path. I hope you have sparkles and cookies and nap time and a good book that smells like an old library. I hope the book has dog eared pages. I hope you see the beauty in the flowers and the blades of grass and the way the light catches the spilled milk in the kitchen. I hope you see the potential in pieces of tape with blue crap on the end.

Never stop dancing, this life is a gift my friends.

Green Ponds, Golden Mornings, GOOSE POOP


I sleep with my window open so I can smell the jasmine and the roses that live outside my bedroom window. Sometimes I hear a dog howl. Sometimes I wake to the sound of ducks, quacking their brains out and splashing in our pool.

It's not a bad way to start the morning, but seriously, keep it down ducks. It wasn't even 7 a.m. and you're not roosters, you are DUCKS. 

I'm feeling better. After 5 plus weeks of sickness, just saying, "I feel better" makes me think I'm going to catch another virus. It's part of my "Try Every Communicable Disease" springtime extravaganza

On Sunday I woke to the sound of QUACKING and SPLASHING from the DUCKS who think they are ROOSTERS. It was the first day in a few days that I crawled out of my bed and left my crackers and 7 up behind. My mom had the toddler so I suggested a trip to the park with the big boys. I would sit on my bench and watch the children frolic. I would talk to my husband about life instead of barf. It would be glorious.


We live next to one of the biggest parks in the city but I don't go there often because Tobin the Toddler would dive into the duck pond and everything would be gross and GOOSE POOP we'd have to go home. 

 We parked ourselves next to a cute little creek and enjoyed the cool and quiet of 8 a.m on a Sunday. The boys wanted to walk in the creek. I said no because, ew.

I forgot that I had brought their daddy along for a nice chat. He felt they neeeeeded to get in the water and "be boys" and whatever. I felt exhausted again, so I just sat on the park bench and decided not to argue. As the boys explored the murky depths of the creek, I found it impossible to talk or think about anything else except for swamp germs.

 At one point I tried to cry "Mosquito" but everyone said they were gnats. Then, finally I realized why I was so stressed out about the fact my kids were tromping around in a "NO SWIMMING" zone.

A) I like to follow the rules. I mean, not really, but I do respect signs. I don't smoke in restaurants, I wear shoes in the mini mart, and I don't swim in gross pond water. Call me crazy.

B) I had JUST finished being sick from an illness that I had contracted from the kids. Now they were splashing around in GOOSE POOP.

C) GOOSE POOP

I pointed out reason B to Derrick, who up to that point thought every thing was bucolic and manly. As much as he loves rugged adventure through GOOSE POOP water in a city park (or whatever), he wasn't too keen on getting sick again. Everyone had to get out of the water.

SUCCESS!

By now I was exhausted. I was ready to go back to bed, curl up with Curb Appeal, and nap. So I did. This post is just to tell you that if I'm sick for another 5 weeks, we can all blame Derrick or GOOSE POOP or just rugged adventuring with no regard for signs. Pick one. I know I will.

Happy Monday. May the GOOSE POOP of life be in the pond and your feet be on the ground this week.

Celebrating Puke Wednesday



When I was small, my Grandma would call me "little friend" and I remember liking it...except when she was bossing me around. Which, she did often. It's genetic.

I have never thought of my children as friends until recently, as my house gets farther and farther away from the infant stage and babies start talking and walking. If I could bottle the energy in the little toe of my toddler...


The baby I was just feeding pureed vegetables and burping last year is now dancing his way through the house, always dancing, or hopping, or running. He has pep in his step, and we're friends now. I read him books and he makes jokes about things, usually about peek-a-boo, because nothings more hilarious than covering your eyes.  I think everyone should try it at the next job meeting when the conversation gets intense. Screaming "peek-a-boo" when your boss asks you a question. It's a guaranteed morale lifter.

Hypothetically. I haven't tried it.

I could tell you some tales about things I did do when I had a job in the real world.

Example:
1) I started a 4 square tournament at work that's still a big event after 7 years
2) I got my whole department to celebrate "World Egg Day"

Anyway, back to the baby.

 He has started to roar.

"Are you a lion?" I ask him and he smiles big.

"YAH!" he replies in a sing song shout, and basks in the glory of finally figuring out how to tease his mother. He sees his big brothers doing it often enough.

The big brothers are truly hilarious. They've been my friends for a few years now, and they know how to party. They're hard to keep up with. They're fun to talk to. They are sort of bossy and often sweet, but sometimes I'm shot in the heart with a nerf gun bullet. I tell them they give love a bad name, but they just roll their eyes (they get that from their Father)(they also get their lack of love for Bon Jovi from him).

Sometimes I want to get away from them.

And that's okay. Everyone needs a break sometimes. That's what cartoons are for.

After a day like today, where there was vomit and banana bile, when my floor is sprinkled with the fairy dust of saltine cracker crumbs, where we've cuddled a lot and watched too much television...I was ready to clock out at 4:30. The toddler especially was a bit of a firecracker. He ran everywhere today, carrying electronic devices and his sick brother's cups like a deranged football player.

When bedtime comes near, I have the hardest time mothering. Most of my muscles are against me, and I have to force myself to spend the last few minutes of the evening with my boys instead of checking out mentally and snapping them into their pajamas.

At sixish I gave the toddler a bath just to get him to hold still, and he lay on his stomach, staring at his pudgy little hands in the water. We read stories and rocked, and his hair dried into little baby ringlets. It was so perfect. I fed him blueberry yogurt and called him, "Little Friend" and he looked at me with tired, happy eyes and talked about his elbows.

The two bigger boys played Mario Cart. Shel kept crying, "I'm always WOOZING!" and drove off of cliffs like it was his job. I sort of ignored them, focusing on dishes and drifting into "is it bedtime yet?" mode. I suddenly realized the perpetual blur that is my toddler was missing. Things had gotten quiet and still. The clack of matchbox cars on the window seat had ceased. I asked from the kitchen, "Hey, where's Tobin?"

We found him asleep on the couch, clutching a car in each tiny fist. We all gathered around him, big friends and little friends, and laughed and laughed. "The rock star has run out of steam!" we whispered, and I picked him up gently and carried him to bed.

A few minutes later I went into Q's room to put fresh sheets on his bed, because after a day of the stomach flu, no one wants unwashed sheets. They were straight out of the dryer because I had forgotten about them until the 11th hour.

I have never seen anyone so excited about hot sheets. He literally could NOT stop talking about his warm sheets. The warmest he's ever had. So cozy. He has never had sheets this warm. Did he mention they are super warm and he loves them? I couldn't stop laughing.
Some of my best friends are little friends.





Update: Derrick was watching a preview for an action movie and said to me, "Steven Spielburg is producing this movie..." and the living room door burst open and Q said, "Hey! Did someone say my name?"

"Um, only if you directed ET."

So we ended the night with a slightly confused 5 year old. Success!




What Shel Wore: It's Udderly Awesome

I used to have Instagram but then I lost my phone and so here I am, taking photos with a camera like it's 2006.

I haven't replaced my phone yet. Let's not talk about it, it's too boring to recount. The point is, instead of continuing my #whatshelwore series in the cool way, I'm back in 2006 with my Zune (okay, no, I never had one of those...KAYLA)

So, without further ado, I give you what Shel wore:
It's my old cow costume from...hey! 2006! No kidding!

I wore it to work that year, udders and all.

I never tell Shel what to wear. He always has a clear vision. Sadly, today is a day where I can't lift a coffee cup without sharp pain in my rib cage, and he made me help him into this costume three times before he decided it was a keeper. What you wear during morning cartoon time is so important. It just sets you off on the right foot.

Too bad his mother was saying very bad words about cow costumes in her head, because, you know, putting an over sized adult cow outfit on a 3 year old isn't easy in the best of times.

Not to worry, I held it together and then called my mother, who is a saint and deserves a thousand chickens on a golden hill for all her help. She's been here all day. Because of her, I've been able to take some medicine and sleep. Soon I'll be off to the doctor to complain and demand a miracle. I have been sick since...2006! No, not really, just since MARCH and no, it's not getting old at ALL. Last time I went to the doctor, they gave me an x ray (normal!) and told me to take a heavy duty pain medicine for pleurisy and rest. Ha. Ha. Ha.

This is not possible, I have cows to dress.




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