I clatter down the hall at an unholy hour to bring demanding voices milk-filled sippy cups and collapse on the couch while tiny fingers clasp my wedding ring. I fall half asleep with a tiny body next to me, and we wait for the sunrise together. I feel dry...dry and tired.
I've settled into a comfortable routine lately. Swimming pools, desserts, sun kissed tomatoes right off the vine, naps and cable tv. I've been full...of me.
God is great, but lately I've seen him only Sundays and "free time" (which I've been filling with home decorating shows on cable). I've put my relationship with God in a manila folder, right after repainting my toenails and flossing.
Not so great. Not so God.
So what's the solution? How do I fall in love with God again, how do I make Him GREAT in my life?
I've given God a few things out of my wealth, but I'm really supposed to be giving out of my poverty. I want to be the poor widow with only two coins to offer God, I want to be in a place where there's nothing left to lose: then it's easier to give God my all...when I don't have it all.
Here's the thing: I'm doing pretty well on my own right now. Trials have been kept to a minimum. Things are running smoothly. I'm satisfied, I have things I want.
"You don't realize Jesus is all you need until Jesus is all you have." - Timothy Keller
So here I am with whitewashed faith.
I know what I need to do; I need to pray for Less of ME and MORE of Him. It's scary because I know He will answer.
"Remove the dross from the silver, and out comes material for the silversmith;" -Proverbs 25:4
I am waiting now, for the refining fire. I'm frightened, because I'm not completely fireproof, and I happen to enjoy my dross. However, I've tasted dependence on God. I will tell you now that it far outweighs all the fluffy-cotton-candy-comfort emptiness of selfishness. Taste and see.
"Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Grieve, mourn and wail. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up."-James 4:8-9
p.s. So many bloggy friends have encouraged me to live a life of radical faith, to be sold out for Jesus. Thank you for setting the example that shows me when I'm drifting off course. Thank you for showing me what it means to be a Christ follower.
