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The photos in this post have nothing to do with anything. They are from earlier in the morning, before the gum incident of 2013, but I feel that they illustrate my day perfectly. My days are full of monkeys, dinosaurs, and aggression, but it's all covered with a layer of cuteness so thick I'm willing to overlook anything...except gum. "If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."
-Erma Bombeck
Today the boys did a great job "helping" me take the dog to the groomers, so while I cleaned up the yard they were given gum. I didn't buy this gum, it was a gift from a birthday party.
In the middle of working, the groomer called to tell me the dog was ready to be picked up, so I loaded everyone up into the minivan of power and made them promise not to swallow or spit their gum out.
I drove along innocently (you know where this is going, don't you?) and my four year old started telling me he needed a lot more gum so he could be Spiderman. I "umhmm'ed" absentmindedly.
A few minutes later, I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the 4 year old holding strands of gum. I screeched, "PUT THAT GUM BACK IN YOUR MOUTH THIS INSTANT!" but he dillydallied. I started to sweat and clench the steering wheel. Then I noticed the 3 year old had also pulled his gum out. When we stopped at the groomer's to pick up the puppy I had to sit in the minivan drenched in sweat (it is going to be an unholy 108 degrees today) while I tried to pick tiny strands of gum off of everything. EVERYTHING. The gum was webbed over car seats and faces and shirts and arms in a way that would have made Peter Parker proud.
I told everyone they would never get gum again. Everyone cried. Then I said, "Maybe when you're five" and people cheered up a little bit.
On the way home, we ended up talking about dying because I didn't put a seat belt on the dog.
I felt the conversation was a bit more than I could handle in light of my sweaty, sticky, state, but I did my best to field questions about God and how big his hands are and if he throws bombs at bad guys. The boys decided there is a lot of juice in heaven (in case you were wondering).
They feel that you can have as much juice as you want in heaven. You can drink juice all day. You can drink it for a week. When Shel goes to heaven, he says he's going to ask God, "where's your duice so I can dwink it?"
So far, the boys have decided that heaven is great and there is juice for everyone AND dinosaurs you can fight with. I haven't argued about it, because what do I know? But...if anyone asks me if there might be bubble gum in heaven I will say, "NO THERE IS NO BUBBLE GUM IN HEAVEN"
Am I right?
So tell me, what tales of childhood destruction/adorableness do you have?
