You guys, today I received an unexpected email from someone asking me to add them to my secret blog. I, um, haven't got a secret blog. I have an inactive blog. It's been inactive for multiple reasons, but the past bores me so lets skip it and focus on the NOW. NOW I am blogging again. Sort of.
Anyway, I am back.
I suppose you'll want to know that I had a baby. Again. A fourth baby. It feels like the first time though (feels like the very first timmmme!).
Okay it doesn't feel like the first time AT ALL but I feel bad saying "fourth baby" because I worry you'd have the same reaction to that as if I said, "fourth cat" or "fourth shark". Some things no one really needs four of, but I can guarantee you babies are not one of those things.
I now have FOUR LITTLE BOYS.
Because every baby I have had has been a boy. Glory!
I hate saying this because this post is turning into a giant meeting, but I am still trying to figure out this whole privacy thing in the age of Internets. I totally trust YOU but I don't trust THEM, you know? AND YES, I was one of the people who got an email from Target telling me my card had been compromised during the summer data breach. It's been a rough year for my cyber-paranoia. Let's just call him "N" (my baby, not the Target breach).
He is five weeks old, and he is delicious. If you lived next door to me I would happily let you come over and hold him. Then he would spit up on you. Spitting up is his hobby, and he's very good at it. I prefer to stay home as much as possible, because of the spitting.
Here are few things you should know besides the big baby news:
I have discovered that my three year old licks dental floss. While it is still in the container, he just flips up the lid and "tastes it", then he puts it back. Don't ask me for floss right now because he has a cold.
My sister is getting my three year old an accordion for Christmas. Let us all get together to plot my revenge. She does not have children, she has a cat. This makes revenge much harder don't you think? The best idea so far is to buy her a potted plant for Christmas.
My first grader has started calling me "M" instead of Mom, because he is too cool. JUST TOO COOL I SAY! He says, "Hey M, can I have some juice?" and it is all my fault because I call him Q all the time, because his real name starts with a Q but has two syllables instead of one and I'm kinda lazy.
We are in the throes of potty jokes. Lots of chickens crossing roads to use the toilet. I have learned that if you simply USE the word "toilet" you are hilarious. Bonus points for "poop." This means my comeback blog post is now fall-down funny...if you are five.
If you are five, you are also afraid of the bathroom at my house and need someone to go with you, turn on the light, and stand guard. Probably because my toilet is so funny it's scary.
The boys have declared a "Singing Time" where they absolutely MUST go outside and sing Jingle Bells as loudly as possible in the dark, in front of our Christmas lights. Every night. For ten minutes. The neighbors truly love us.
I sing, "Oh, My Mysterious Baby" to my baby. Everyone hates it, but I think they secretly love it so I keep doing it. By everyone I mean Derrick.
What's that? You don't know the song, "Oh, My Mysterious Baby"? It's a current favorite of mine. It's very fun to sing. It begins around the 1 minute mark in the video below, but obviously I changed the words from "lady" to "baby" (and if you are reading this via email I have heard rumors that you'll have to click over to see it):
